NYC

I have a friend that leaves for New York City today.

He has a job, place, and is an aspiring comedian as well.

I have few opinions on the city... I think deep down my heart belongs to the city of Chicago. Maybe Nashville, I really love Nashville.

I do however like people's interpretations of New York. I like Lou Reed's biographical "Walk on the Wild Side"... yes, they were all real people. I like to imagine what Max's Kansas City was like in its heyday... maybe I could've met Debbie Harry before she became a joke of herself. I like to imagine running into John Lennon on the street and just passing saying "Hey, you're John Lennon? I like George." I think of The Stones making their finest albums amidst a country ordered relocation to the big apple. I think of The Ramones and The Flamin' Groovies getting signed to Sire at the same time and playing gigs together. I don't care about CBGB's much... but could've been fun. I think of hiphop, old school hiphop and Brooklyn before it became a Mecca for hipster kids with parent's money. I imagine riding a bike with David Byrne and shunning him for becomming such an asshole.

I like Woody Allen's opening to Manhattan. I like the self deprecating look at a city he obviously loves.

I'm visiting my friend in January. My Christmas gift is a plane ticket. I will sleep on his couch and try out jokes for those who reside in the "1st city".

Let's hear it for New York

LIVE ALBUMS!

So, I hate live albums. I hate live music. But... I have a few exceptions to this rule...

1st: Lou Reed: Rock N' Roll Animal

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Really... you can not deny the sheer power of this album. Although sources say it was reworked in the studio, I am not sure... I am sure that it is a great album. Even if it is a faked live album. This version of "Sweet Jane" just kills.

2nd: Ramsey Lewis: The In Crowd

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Ramsey Lewis is a dick in person. He is. I met him via an internship I did. Don't care for the man... I was just a fan interested in this album, because I own the Argo - Mono - LP... and that is the best way to experience it. Still, The In Crowd is an amazing piece of live jazz music.

The Who Live at Leeds is great... and I'm sure there are others... but I'm too busy listening now.

John Waters

Take 20 minutes and watch this.

John Waters is amazing.

greek islands

i want to go to greece

looks pretty amazing. below i stated that is on my list of things to do before i die. and i think i will do it sooner than later.

i'd like to have a bicycle or a scooter and just kinda putz around.

i dont know. i'm aching for beaches.

Dying

tonight i watched that tv show "the buried life"... a bunch of priveledged attractive people doing things they want to do before they die and having it filmed and paid for by a television show.

i decided to make my own list and start trying to accomplish these. i also ask any of you, if you are able to help in any way, please help. and i will in return help you accomplish a goal of yours... as long as you keep the mentality moving along.

perhaps one day we all can be a society of people who help each other accomplish their dreams. ok... here is the list:

1. go surfing
2. perform music in front of an audience on a stage
3. run for a political office... any would do
4. take part in a dog sled race
5. stand on an actual soapbox and preach on some city street.
6. play harmonica with a hat in front of me at a train station
7. hitchhike
8. drink oozo on a greek island beach
9. go to tokyo
10. have a treehouse
11. go on an incredibly long walk/hike
12. perform a wedding ceremony (i am ordained)
13. sing meatloaf's "paradise by the dashboard light" with a woman
14. make enough money to afford to buy my mom a horse.
15. ride to the bottom of the grand canyon on a donkey
16. blow up a watermelon with actual dynamite
17. get dropped off somewhere in the woods and have to make my way out with only matches and cigarettes
18. drag race
19. skydive
20. get married.

i'll periodically add and cross off as necessary.

godspeed.

are you ready for the playlist girls?

so, last thursday i went to an 80's night at a bar. i love 80's nights because i love 80's music. this morning i decided to compile an 80's amazing playlist. this playlist is guaranteed to blow your mind... it's like cocaine and back to the future and wallstreet combined. and granted there may be some songs you know on here, i strive for random 1980's amazing. ( i slipped some stuff from 70 in there too... shutup) so here you go:

- gleaming spires: are you ready for the sex?
- dino lee & the white trash revue: beer party
- the fleshtones: teenage zombie
- tones on tail: go!
- the jesus and mary chain: who do you love?
- the cramps: can your pussy do the dog?
- oingo boingo: little girls
- the gruesomes: hey!
-  the raybeats: tight turn
- the b52s: 52 girls
- the cramps: bikini girls with machine guns
- devo: uncontrollable urge
- the flirts: jukebox
- bone symphony: one foot in front of the other
- echo and the bunnymen: lips like sugar
- depeche mode - just cant get enough
- love and rockets: so alive
- pet shop boys: west end girls
- new order: bizarre love triangle
- the cars: a dream away
- real life: send me an angel
- sisters of mercy: this corrosion


i will add more and a volume 2 soon... but for now. let this blow your flippin' mind.

Election Day: Schaumburg, Illinois: 11/02/10

Today I decided to vote. I have not voted since I was 18 or 19 (I do not remember) and have not been in a church for about four years. Today, I voted in a church.

It was a very nice fall day today; so I decided to walk to my polling place. I also had a few errands to run along the way. While walking to Walgreen’s, I ran into an old friend who was clearly involved in a drug deal. I said “oh hey” and kept on my way as to not disrupt the process of the whole thing. I then got to the Walgreen’s where I accidentally threw away my Oregon issued driver’s license I never switched over to Illinois on the day of my friend’s bachelor party. I did what I had to do at Walgreen’s and walked to the church… the same church where I smoked my first cigarette with a friend now dead.

I then got my ballot and instructions from a kind old man on how to not mess up voting. I checked my texts because my police officer friend told me which judge I should vote for earlier this morning. I immediately messed up my ballot and the kind old man said:

“I’ll void this ballot… your last name?” I told him my last name and he said “Your grandparents… Audrey? And your grandpa was Bill?”

I said, “Yep, you got it.” He then asked me to talk to him after I had finished voting.

So I got down to business and voted. Afterwards the kind old man took my ballots and then proceeded to explain how he knew my grandparents…

“Your grandma was the maid of honor at my wedding. When Bill and Audrey lived in Rolling Meadows, way back in the 60’s… Audrey… she…”

“Yeah, she went when I was 19.”

“Not that long ago… your grandpa was a sheet metal worker, moved out to Schaumburg. Then it was unincorporated… we had no idea where it was!”

I smiled. Asked his name. And said “Small world huh?” I put my headphones back in and started walking home. There are tornado sirens because it’s the first Tuesday of the month, I can hear them over my music… a fire truck screams by, almost at the same time I pass the house I once stopped at while driving home one night because it was on fire, and I helped the man who’s house was burning, as I got a text from a friend saying “I feel sick”, as I fumbled to reply to because I was lighting a cigarette… a habit I haven’t given up since that first one at that church… as I walk down the same street, in the same neighborhood, Bill and Audrey moved into “way back in the 60’s.”

God Bless America.

politics schmolotics

so yeah. i dont know why, but this song sums up the political spectrum for me right now.

im going to vote tomorrow.

i am only going to vote for one reason... it's actually a pretty cool reason.

i wrote this letter a couple weeks ago to a candidate:

Dear Michelle Mussman,

Today I received your letter asking me about my intent to vote. Receiving a letter addressed to me from a candidate was not strange to me because I have been inundated with campaign flyers recently. So much so in fact, I find it absurd. It is absurd on behalf of both parties. This household is a household of peoples that are all of voting age. I get it. But one attack flyer per household is clearly enough.

This shows me where both parties stand on environmental concerns. Over the past four days I have received 35 attack ads. Now, there are thirteen houses on my block… let us assume they are receiving the same amount. That is 455 flyers in four days. I live in a small neighborhood, but let’s assume there are say, 200 blocks that are all receiving that amount. That is 91,000 flyers. Granted these are estimated numbers, but my assumption could be close. And when you really get down to it, not a lot of people recycle.

I do not know much about how many trees it takes to produce paper… but that’s probably a lot of trees. Perhaps it is a small forest, maybe a small section of Busse Woods where I like to ride my bicycle. Perhaps these flyers were made from those trees. So maybe, just maybe… in the grand estimation I present to you… both parties have altered a piece of my community that I know people enjoy on an everyday basis.

I am not against flyer-ing or grass roots campaigns… heck; made America what it is right? But I am against the amount of waste both parties are presenting with these ads. Kudos on giving the printing agencies works in this time of a recession though.

Please do not feel this is aimed at you directly… it is merely a response to your very kind letter. I wish you good luck. I chose not to register to vote the last time I was at the DMV. It’s a personal choice of mine. Feel free to contact me. My number is 000-000-0000. Perhaps we can get a beer. Yes, This is printed on the back of your letter. Recycled.

Sincerely,




Joe

not only did ms. mussman get back to me, she called me personally. left me a message. and told me i was in fact registered to vote. this really got to me. a candidate taking personal time to call someone. usually you just get a lame-o letter written by a staffer.

i now read today that people who have mussman signs in their yards are getting fake phonecalls from her opposition saying that they are mussman staffers...

which is ridiculous.

perhaps if a candidate took the time to be interested in cynical/smart ass potential voters... they would be more inclined to have more voters.

honestly, in the day and age of the internet and the fact 20-somethings regard The Daily Show as actual news... you have to step up the humor and acceptance of people like me.

and michelle mussman did that. and was able to gain my personal respect and vote.

so on november 2nd... i will vote. crazy. i havent voted since i was 18.

happy halloween

halloween. why am i sitting and reading e.e cummings?

i don't know. no trick or treaters.

i remember being 14 and sitting in a denny's... a girl told me about e.e cummings. i then bought a collection of his poems the next day.

i like this one right now...

your little voice...

your little voice
Over the wires came leaping
and i felt suddenly
dizzy
With the jostling and shouting of merry flowers
wee skipping high-heeled flames
courtesied before my eyes
or twinkling over to my side
Looked up
with impertinently exquisite faces
floating hands were laid upon me
I was whirled and tossed into delicious dancing
up
Up
with the pale important
stars and the Humorous
moon
dear girl
How i was crazy how i cried when i heard
over time
and tide and death
leaping
Sweetly
your voice

 

and so it goes. a new week coming. let's see what happens.

I Wanna Be a Dog

Today I went about my normal morning routine:

wake up
turn on computer
grab cigarettes
pour myself a cup of coffee
walk into living room to wake up dogs, feed, and let them out

I do this zombie routine every day… but today was different. I watched the dogs more intently for some reason.

My two dogs are 8 and 14… little old dogs. I walk over and say “good morning guys.” And then I watched their routine which was as follows:

rise slowly, as to not be shaken
stretch slowly, wake up your body
greet your loved one and be thankful they are there
take look upon what loved ones have offered you
go outside, move briskly, enjoy the morning air
come back refreshed and eat heartily

So after observing my dogs… I came to a brief, new realization… why do we not live our own lives as dogs? Is this not an amazingly healthy way to start your day?

Other things I noticed… simple pleasures. How easy would it be to enjoy life if we just had the understanding of simple pleasures that a dog does?

And of course, sex without consequence, others to feed us, people pet you, you can bite someone for no reason other than the fact you wanted to…

To be a dog…

so i've lost my mind

i dont know if im going insane or just having great bouts of genius. the next few months i'm pretty sure it'll pan out into incredible projects or "shit, joe just lost his mind".

zombies!

this is still my favorite zombie movie of all time.

speaking of zombies... this friday night i will be performing as a zombie. i really love the idea of zombies breaking in and telling jokes. in fact im super stoked about it.

here is a link to more info:

http://www.facebook.com/motisi#!/event.php?eid=164864133532366

James the Elephant

so i started making these "James the Elephant" cartoons. i have them all on my facebook but have so far only put one on youtube because youtube's processing is way too long.

so let's add this to the projects i'm doing... funny how i keep myself busy with ridiculous things...

but hey, if i didnt make dumb cartoons, paint, tell jokes on stage, make music, and currently start training for a 300 mile hike... what would i do?

Interview with Rodney Mullen

today is one of those days where you just happen to stumble upon inspiration and the right things you need to hear or see.

i was taken aback by this interview. listen to the guy. it's great.

it makes sense.

and to think it comes from a guy who, outside of the world he is popular in, you'd more than likely never expect to spout such subtle wisdom.

it's that humbling moment again... where you realize the world is never enough, but that's ok... do what you love.

You and I Are Not Special

i reccomend everyone listen and watch this about once a week.

it kind of just kicks you into place. and i believe that we, as a whole, never fully grasp the fact we are but a drop in a bucket. taking yourself out of the equation is almost impossible but this just gives you a bit of reality.

believe me, i absolutely despise reality.

and that's just it... a speck of dust on the cosmic spectrum. it's humbling in a frightening way... but perhaps will get you to be like "oh, shit... that guy who burned my latte at starbucks isn't really an asshole in the grand scheme of things."

LCD Soundsystem - I Can Change

I've been listening to you all day James Murphy... all day, because you are on a hipster quest to make outrageously long songs. I get it. You wanted something that you could "just turn on and let play forever"

Cut it in half. Stop making good long music. I have errands to run today. Dick

Waxing My Chest and Stomach

Last night I went to a friend’s place. Her friend (who is an esthetician) was there and they were doing skin care this and that. I honestly was there only for the wine, because I enjoy wine and television. Let’s be real, I enjoy drinking. Well, I decided, “Why not join in the fun?”

I then proceeded to do a licorice facial cleanser and tea tree mask. They were doing chocolate and oatmeal something or others (Question Ladies: why do your skin care products sound so delicious and male skin care products sound like tigers attacking virgin women?) and a lip mask. It was pretty amazing. And I am comfortable enough with my sexuality to admit that this was awesome.

Well my friend also had wax. I, being the dork I am, joked when I got there that I would do my chest and stomach.

I don’t back down to shit.

So I then had friends wax my chest and stomach. I told a friend about it today and he said “Dude, that’s gay.” (I am not a fan of people using sexual orientation as an adjective by the way. Don’t get offended, getting offended is flippin’ lame) I reiterated to him that I was not wearing a shirt, laying on my back, and had women ripping hair out of my chest… people pay prostitutes good money to do that.

Today my chest is smooth, but looks like someone took a cheese grater to it. My friend said that I needed to exfoliate with olive oil and salt (again, delicious skin care). So I suppose today I will exfoliate with olive oil and salt.

The things you do because you feel like drinking.